All the News that's Fit to Print

With some big Bedlam related stories still under embargo, we'll tie up some loose ends with another monthly compendium magazine of round-ups.
We did a Sunday morning dawn dash up to Edinburgh to catch Nile Rodgers who was reading from his auto-biography at the Edinburgh Festival. It was many years ago I was last there, performing in a play at the Festival. The air was crisp and bright and clean, while the sky seemed much bigger than it does in London where it is broken up with towers and spires and con trails. With the newly invigorated touring schedule that Nile has embarked upon with Chic and the promotion for his book, it's been hard to find him in one place for more than five minutes but he was here for a whole three days. We presented him with what we hoped was indeed his finished suit. He put it on and emerged to pronounce it a fit. YOWZER YOWZER YOWZER!

Nile wasn't just in town to read from his book but had also, unbeknownst to us, been invited to compose a suite in F, along with other composers similarly assigned a key each to create a scale as listeners moved from shed to shed in the courtyard of the Summerhall Arts Centre. His suit, I told him, was our tribute to Duke Ellington. And guess who Nile's composition invoked? Strange is it not, or not, how separate intentions and inventions weave together to make harmony.

An extract from the text in the musical hut hosting Nile's  Suite in F

Conclusion of the accompanying text

Having visited the musical installation we went inside to attend a runway show by Danish designer Christina Borcher, showing at the first International Edinburgh Fashion Festival. The previous night, our old friend Pam Hogg had shown, and I was shin-kickingly disappointed that we missed her -
http://edinburghinternationalfashionfestival.com/eiff_people/pam-hogg/

I very much liked Christina's open umbrella skirts (below). We watched the show courtesy of my friend Merryn Somerset-Webb, editor of Money Week magazine, who now lives in the city. People have been extraordinarily surprised in the past that I should know Merryn, someone who can add up, and I'm not so jolly well sure they should be. Anyway, Nile had been talking about the millions of Live Aid money that still sits in a bank account that still no one knows how to distribute. There's not a lot hungry people in a dust bowl can do with a fistful of dollars, that is if corrupt agencies or militia haven't grabbed them first. With calm brilliance, Merryn then pronounced quietly (but firmly, as is her way, possessed of a natural, dignified gravitas as she is) - "Turn it all into gold, give the people who need it an ingot of gold. Everyone knows what to do with gold."
This reminded me that I have put an ounce of gold in a very safe place and now can't find it, accordingly unable to do anything with it.
http://info.moneyweek.com/information/the-moneyweek-team

oops forgot skirt

Skirt refound

We then scooted back across the city in time to watch Nile be interviewed by Irving Welsh, the genial ex-junkie author of "Trainspotting". We got to bed late and were up in the dark for the first flight back to London in the morning. Ouf.

Mr Wesley with Mr Welch

Now behold that photo above, for it contains a void that artifice has now filled. Dear readers, we have the technology, we can rebuild him:

Mr Wesley is now ready for his close-up. See his new smile below.

Meanwhile I had some limelight thrust upon me when a young man was stabbed outside of the shop. I have been reprimanded for employing the cliché, "I only did what anyone would do," but more important than my hackneyed soundbite is to clarify that what was heartening about an otherwise dispiriting experience is that so many people stopped and did what they could to help rather than crossing the road. Two men in particular, whose names I did not get, did not falter in attending to the victim, despite the considerable gore. Other people gave chase and apprehended the perp while we tended to the vic. The emergency services arrived in time (and it did take a time) and CSI Bedlam was then established.

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/frenzied-rush-hour-knife-attack-yards-from-tube-station-8104024.html

As a result of that incident, I confess I came over somewhat Classical Roman and concluded that when the gutters run red with blood, it truly is time to get the hell outta Dodge. But more on that in the next posting, which shouldn't be long now.

More press came grace a la belle Stephanie, our sterling friend since we were introduced through the late great Tutu and her Breast Cancer t-shirt project. Helping to compile the Sunday Times 10th anniversary edition of "Style" magazine, she proposed our t-shirt of Pussy Riot lead singer Nadezhda Tolokonnikova. That duly wound up on the "Hot List" and has since sold like a hot cake, da da indeed:

Add caption

Here's the Sunday Times piece - confess I'm coveting the Russian red Carven skirt beneath our shirt:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=433437840027172&set=a.158114807559478.27567.157642327606726&type=1&theater

The same weekend my old pal Goldie was off to Moscow to spin some rekkids so I intercepted his trajectory and gave him a couple of Pussy Riot tees to take. Arriving before him in the designated drop-off café I chose a table outside, forgetting that he can't do anything under cover these days. A middle aged man in a not terribly great suit at the table next to us came over all girlish and interrupted to ask if he could have his picture taken with him. Here's G in his Bedlam motorcycle club tee having just juked me in the ribs:

The ten year anniversary thing for "Style" magazine had me somewhat confused as I am very old and know for a fact it's been around for at least twenty. The one time editor Jeremy Langmead, now director of Net-a-Porter's menswear section Mr Porter - http://www.mrporter.com/ - published my first feature - at the time the most words ever run in the mag, which they ran over two weeks. What I think they meant to say last weekend then was "Hurrah it's the ten year anniversary of the editorship of Tiffanie Darke!" but someone edited it down. At least the redoubtable AA Gill articulated what I was thinking in his restaurant review in that / "our"issue, reassuring me I hadn't gone bonkers. It was his lovely other half, "The Blond" - Nicola Formby who, sat next to me mid hair-do at Nicky Clarke's salon all those years ago, launched my feature writing "career" when she thought the story I was telling Rupert le Coiff was so hilarious I had to write it down. My "career" has since more followed in the path of Peter Ustinov, who, when asked what was meant by his tag "raconteur" replied, "a story teller who can't be bothered to write it down". It's not so much "can't be bothered" as "haven't got two quiet minutes" these days.

There was no such obfuscation regarding the celebrations of "Luxure" magazine's fifth anniversary - it was what it said on the packet. or rather, the five covers they commissioned to mark the occasion. A marvellous bash was held at the Ivy, where we practically have our own coat pegs now - that'll be twice in as many months, no wonder there's no time for writing:

http://www.luxuremagazine.com/

We were immensely proud that of all the get ups with which his wardrobe must surely groan, CEO of the magazine Phil Tucker chose to wear Bedlam's "Tectonic" pinstripe. It was also his birthday being celebrated that night. The ballerina-coverstar who danced for the guests wore diamonds by Van Cleef & Arpels. 

Mr Wesley and Mr Tucker

Messrs. Wesley & Tucker flanked by Maxim the Russian jeweller and his wife

My favourite dress of the night, on the right

Oneself in Stephen Jones hat with Simon Salter

AND BEHOLD THE SMILE! ECCO DENTUS!!! -

You are familiar with hisshelf on the left. Josh works on the mag and is a neighbour of Bedlam, indeed shared the  knifing outside the shop experience with me

Doing the hokey-kokey - putting it in, shaking it about: Reggie, editor of the magazine, in the white suit with his angels inc. Simone in the white shimmy dress, Phil's missus

So that's your lot for now, stand by for a Bedlam Bulletin later this week (eyes crossed).

Postcard from Summer, and redirected mail

Summer's on the run, even if it did visit in disguise this year. We grabbed a blast of oven door heat in the South of France chez Mark's mum and dad, up in the hills behind Cannes, to coincide with Nile playing Juan les Pins, the chi-chi seaside resort, with Chic. This was to be Ocean's first ever concert and I'm not sure how it will ever be topped. We dressed him in a "Le Freak" tee naturally - we hadn't made children's sizes so it was more of a dress on him - and as soon as Nile's tech spotted le petit fana he was hauled up on stage. Unfazed by the long lenses and exuberant crowd of thousands he busted his robot dance, in flip-flops to boot. As the sun set on the beautiful Riviera, twinkle twinkle, a little star / stage struck monster was born -

Nile clocks the pint sized stage invasion

Getting into the groove

It took some cajoling and then a stern "OI! COME HERE!" to get Ocean to leave the stage 
and go to proud daddy (Mark in the lower left corner) 

Finding the limelight an uncommonly agreeable sensation - his face was a study in stunned joy, his body swiftly galvanised into interpretive dance when they played the opening bars of his favourite song "We Are Family" - Ocean didn't immediately understand that he was a guest in someone else's show: "BUT I KNOW THIS ONE TOO!" he protested.
Well quite, that's the thing about Nile's catalogue - you DO know them all, and can't quite believe that one man is behind so much of the soundtrack of our lives. The carrot was dangled that he would most probably get to go back on for the finale. Sure enough, flanked by the beauty of Kimberly and Folami, the Chic ladies, swept up on their soaring voices and trapped in the vortex of funk spun by Mr Rodgers, Ocean took centre stage as the show reached its peak.

The mini-groover (Ocean to Chic as Bez to Happy Mondays? http://www.happymondaysonline.com/ ) then took his bow with the band, slapped hands along the crowd at the front of the stage, and sauntered off into the wings. Worried that he might be in the way, and that heavy flight cases would soon be flying about as Kool and the Gang prepared to go on next, I shoved Mr Wesley through the hordes of happy faces to get back stage as fast as we could. Progress was slow but eventually we arrived sweaty and dishevelled in the catering area for the artists. No sign of him there so up another staircase to the dressing rooms where I asked a humourless homme de sécurité (I know, they're not paid to be funny) if he had seen a little boy. "Oui Madame," he replied, "He is through there with Monsieur Rodgers and His Serene Highness Prince Albert of Monaco. You cannot pass. You must wait."
I'll leave you to visualise the vous-devez-rigoler look I gifted him in return for that terse instruction. At that very moment, Peter, Nile's road manager, walked out and said "Come in!"

Dragging Ocean away despite his insistence that he was needed on stage with Kool and his Gang, we discussed stage wear with Kimberly and Folami - that we hope to be making for them - before I got my own hit of  fabulous by singing a while with Liza Minnelli's piano player, the lovely Arnaud Fusté-Lambezat, but that's another story. Then we said our goodnights to wind our way along the unlit hairpin-twisty unbarriered narrow roads with precipitous drops back up into the dark hills. It was a long and scary drive in case you missed the subtext there and my tired eyes were wide with terror. In the back seat, however, one little boy, who was "not sleepy at ALL" with the adrenalin of the experience, had eyes as bright and wide as the moon.

Back at Bedlam's base camp, we were asked to provide the entertainment for a party thrown by our friend and client Matias at his house in Gloucestershire. We delivered a tip top trio - Shane Alessio on double bass, Andrea Marongiu on skins and Theo Jackson at the Bosendörfer (www.theojackson.com).  I sang a couple of numbers but Theo is not only the most accomplished pianist but has a voice to melt mountains too. Accordingly we are proud to announce another musical ambassador of Bedlam, this time one at the outset of his career. We are making him a waistcoat to wear on stage and hope our stars will rise together.

Theo Jackson and Shane Alessio

Andrea Marongiu on the drums

Don't leave your kit unguarded. The stage struck kid strikes again!

Another of our clients went for white on his mediterranean hols - Nick Etherington-Smith is pictured here at the Caserta Palace in southern Italy where he attended a party in his Bedlam evening jacket. The Baroque architectural masterpiece and a beautiful consort set off our work delightfully. Larger than Versailles, the name Caserta impinges rarely on the radar these days. Yet as well as its monumental scale and stunning execution it is not only where the Germans signed the unconditional surrender of their forces in Italy in 1945 but also did a turn as Queen Amidala's palace in Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. They liked it so much they returned to use it again in Episode 2: Attack of the Clones as Queen Jamilla's palace. http://www.starwars.com/

And here is Natalie Portman on the same staircase as Nick, not wearing Bedlam but only cos we turned her down (but persevere Nat, we'll give in eventually):

So to sign-off our postcard of Summer, here were some more of our favourite snaps from late July and August. And here's some red hot news - as the season's moving on, so are we. We will shortly be announcing details of our relocation so as ever don't stray far from the trusty ticker-tape machine that feeds you your coded Bedlam bulletins.

The 1940s raffia satellite dish hat got an outing on Fréjus beach

Our lovely client and friend Megan heard me say I couldn't bear to think I'd lived in London during 2012 and not been to the Olympics. I'd've gone to Tiddliwinks by the penultimate day I was so desperate to interact. She duly offered me her spare ticket to the ladies' basketball final, USA vs. France. What a dame! And see kids, articulate your wishes, someone's always listening.

Thomas articulated his wish for a red pinstripe such as he had yearned for his whole life. It was our pleasure to create it!

Prepared for Autumn  - Peter and Jack coincided in the shop, here in their chosen suits looking magnificent I think we all agree?

Prepared for all life may offer him - new-born Nikolai already showing up his underdressed  pals. The froggy fella looks particularly mortified to be thus caught out,  the monkey's a bit on the blithe side. Bedlam's sincere congratulations to Matias and Natasha for this creation!

Head to toe in Baby Bedlam - likkle white wabbit, model's own.

As we're well on the slide to Christmas now, here's a preview of our card. Mary and Joseph dressed in towels not by Bedlam

Lights, action, music!

The July skies may be grey but we got a little glow on from the flash of spotlights this month and the shimmer of showbiz glamour. Stephanie Theobald, who conducted the Punk Cancer campaign in memory of her friend Tutu, fulfilled a long time ambition of mine, and paid me a great compliment in the process, when she interviewed me for Ireland's biggest selling glossy mag for gals, "Image"(http://www.image.ie/).
I have long wanted to be Daphne Guinness when I grow up, and to rub inky shoulders with her in an article on changing direction in life felt like a good alternative. Another of the featured subjects was Victoria Beckham, someone for whom I have long had time and sympathy. Stop your mean minded hissing and give the woman credit - first fortune spinning career, trophy crumpet love-match, FOUR kids, now second career as fashion designer that delivers both commercial and critical success. So I was immensely satisfied with that company. Stephanie retold the story of how Mr Wesley and I came to meet, as foretold by my dear friend Dezia, one time resident psychic to John & Yoko. Our bit's on the third page and apologies but you will just have to read it through a magnifying glass (or crystal ball).

Next up, Nile Rodgers was back to play a series of "summer" dates in the UK, and on June 17th we accompanied him to Lovebox, a festival in East London. It actually didn't rain that day! We still had a few t-shirts left from the ones we made for him before Christmas, and I thought maybe we could hand them out backstage to other performers, such as his friend Grace Jones. But then it occurred to me that the coolest thing we could do would be to share the love and lob them into the fans. My throwing is famously feeble and indeed the first couple I tried barely limped across the security barrier. At that point, the boyfriend of one of Nile's slinky singers only revealed he was a former football quarterback. T-shirts now flew to the furthest reaches of the throng whose appreciation surged to near frenzy. Watch us at 54/55 seconds of this clip - look, we can see us, get that magnifying glass out again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlCd_AsWwj0&feature=player_embedded#!

We got back to the hotel a little before midnight when Mark did the fitting on Nile's suit, the 3-piece made from the most dazzling white wool on earth, bleached any more the fibres will weaken. I chose Japanese goldfish shell buttons for it to protect him with their lucky charm and to symbolise the godlike status he holds in that country (indeed, in any country that honours musical talent).

Mark and Nile after the Lovebox festival

A few weeks later, the day after Independence Day when Nile played at Kew Gardens, he came to our shop for a photo shoot for Jocks & Nerds magazine http://jocksandnerdsmagazine.com/, in the suit. Sam Christmas took the photographs and you should check out the portraits on his website, A1 class - http://www.samchristmas.co.uk/
Mr Mark Webster conducted the interview. As it happens, he interviewed me back in 1897 for a TV show (it was an early TV) on the hot happenings in London nightlife called "01 for London". Jocks & Nerds is a supremely cool publication. It is sponsored by Levis but you wouldn't know that unless you knew that if you know what I mean. There's no naff branding. It is given away free in the coolest shops in the world and we're hoping soon to be amongst their distributors.

Just visible are the hands of Sam Christmas who did the shoot. Mark Webster was the journalist for the interview.

Fifty Shades of Grey between them phwoar!

Also playing at Kew Gardens with Nile was M People, and so there Mark was reunited with his old school friend Shovell who plays percussion in the band. At the same time I was reunited with the wonderful Tony Rémy who now plays guitar for them - he used to honour my jam sessions (such as Mark Webster covered all those years ago) with his talent http://www.tonyremy.com/ :

Tony Rémy, Mr Wesley and Shovell in his Bedlam Motorcycle club t-shirt

After all that excitement, it was back to the more prosaic tasks of daily routine. I was in the queue at the bank when my mobile rang and someone asked if the shop was open that day. I explained I'd be back as soon as I could and with the utmost patience, and a dedication to scopin' out the sitch with the stitch that greatly impressed me, the voice said no stress, he'd wait at the Oval Lounge and have a coffee. Soon as I returned a handsome young buck presented himself. He revealed that his friend was often extolling our store so he had come along from Notting Hill for a visit. He was always on the look out for clothes to wear on stage. This naturally beggared the question, "Will the sun ever be back?"
No, rather, but of course, "And what manner of stagecraft do you practise?"
He teased the game out further, "I'm in a band."
So I had to ask next how does this month's precipitation fall compare with other years? Alright, alright "Which band would that be?"
"Razorlight."
Jolly good! Gus is their new guitarist and Bedlam is looking forward to kitting him out. Here's a musical interlude courtesy of the 'Light then for Independence Day - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9NhncU5_CE

From a different musical era, a different vintage, is Sir Michael Wilmot (above) for whom we completed the commission of a joyful pink jacket. Back in the 60s he used to "own" The Kinks and The Who. Rub your eyes and read that again.

Stephanie Theobald's other half Jake Arnott then kindly invited us to the party at the Ivy to launch his new book. Mark was kicking himself to realise he missed talking to a Great Train Robber - Bruce Reynolds. But we did have a most entertaining exchange with playwright Simon Blow. Jake is wearing our Signor Zoot suit in his publicity shots and on the dust jacket - you can see it here illustrating a piece he's written himself - http://bookoxygen.com/?p=1915
It was also used in the hard copy of this fulsome review in The Independent:

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/the-house-of-rumour-by-jake-arnott-7922392.html

The sun may have put his hat AND coat on and gone wandering off but light and warmth were not absent form Bedlam's world this month as two separate parties, unrelated to us or to each other, on whom we have no dirt or other hold, have expressed interest and more in investing in our label. Beyond that I shall remain sensibly circumspect for the moment but be reassured that every black cloud has indeed a silver lining. When it starts to thunder, don't run under a tree. You'll find your fortune falling all over town, best make sure that your umbrella is upside down. Sing it for us Louis!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-2ke4UzZ38

Diamond Geezer Jubilations

From out of the attic, Pa Butler produced his original Coronation Coach containing the miniature Queen-to-be (or post anointing, depending on which way you imagine it to be travelling) and her consort with full accompaniment of lead soldiers. Ma Butler assembled them carefully so that they duly processed across our Jubilee window display. The arms of the horn players are even articulated to raise their bugles for a blast - working parts, it's the way forward.

Pa Butler then inspected the parade to make sure it passed muster. Meanwhile, down in the basement, Mr Wesley and the Boy Wonder Donny Slack were screen printing their ultra limited edition t-shirts to commemorate the national event as if their ennoblement depended on it.

Ma and Pa Butler in front of Bedlam's Jubilee window

First screen prepared

Lock eyes

Baste generously with scarlet ink

Pop under the grill for browning

Sprinkle liberally with diamonds

Next our client Robert Peel, of whom we are fast becoming fond, popped in and bought #1 of the 30 "Last Punk Standing" that Donny himself designed. Also on display was Pa Butler's souvenir edition of the Coronation Day "Daily Mail". Robert clocked it and exclaimed, "That's my father!" And indeed it was for Peel Pere acted as page to the Queen Mother during the ceremony. There he is, peering across the shoulder of his new monarch directly at the viewer, a self-assured ephebe. It reminded me of Renaissance master Raphael's guest-spot self-portrait in his painting "The School of Athens" (you can look that up).

Robert models #1 "Last Punk Standing" while Donny points out Peel pere on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. Mr Wesley is wearing Bedlam cashmere in sunshine yellow with choccie brown suede elbow patches

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II on the day of her coronation with Robert's father at her shoulder. Bedlam's nifty new straw boater with red and blue grosgrain ribbon (£45) is visible top right

All this flag waving gave us the nudge we needed to expand upon our core staples of white, black and taupe t-shirts. We got a little crazy and added midnight blue:

Elizabeth, by the Grace of God, Queen of England, France (it can happen again) and Scotland (£45 in midnight blue viscose or white, see below)

We donated a bunch of those to the raffle at the Offley Road Street Party, across the road from the shop, where we erected our stall on the Monday of the long weekend. Some people objected to the national celebrations, found it all distasteful or anachronistic, but anything that creates a reason for communities to come together and raise a little cheer is surely a Good Thing, whatever the cypher used as the projection for that. We have maintained our business largely on the support of the locals and it felt good to be a part of the events in the streets around us. Three hips and a "HURRAH!" to all those who put in the time and effort and dough (our favourite landlord, Noel at the Brown Derby, was a hefty sponsor of the Offley Road do; as was our neighbour the Oval Lounge; and my old friend Daniel Letts was the firm shoulder behind the lovely Big Lunch on Claylands Green, plus many more who made it all happen).

Bedlam's stall at the Offley Road street party on Monday June 4th, 2012. Our new "Drunken Disorderly" tee is on the left,  which only half described the way the day developed - it became gently tipsy and tottered into a comedy cricket match that vaguely maintained the rules

Wesley von Evans (I kid you not), one of the team behind the Offley Road Jubilee Jamboree draws the winning ticket for the Bedlam tee. Lucky lady on the right raises her arm to claim her prize

Ellie Letts wearing #1 of 1 children's versions of Donny's tee at the Claylands Green Big Lunch

The Big Lunch on Claylands Green, Saturday June 2nd 2012

The patriotic bake-off at the Offley Road Street Party including David Colton's certificate winning "Elizabeth Sponge"

These were so tasty I had TWO (the lady of the van was so kind she gave me one free)

Jake & Clive of the Brown Derby rocked the Offley Road crowd

Being residents of the Oval, a cricket match was the only way to end the day

Variety Pack with Gifts including, but not limited to, Golden Fleeces

I love writing the blog, notwithstanding the gaps in publication that induce sweats of guilty panic. It's genuinely thrilling, and not a little addictive, to see it now read around the world - this week the stats reveal visitors from the UK (as you might expect), the USA, Japan, Peru, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Italy, the Netherlands, the Ukraine, Hong Kong, Germany, Spain, France and Russia. [BREAKING NEWS!!! BRAZIL x 2 JUST LOGGED IN!!] [told you it was addictive - step away from the Stats].

Our client list is as wonderfully varied - we currently have suits on the go for a director at the BBC; a local plasterer; a globally adored American music star; and the great great grandson of a British Prime Minister (whose name our client bears).

It's still the case that our goal is to design collections but this is where the road has wiggled for now and were it not for the one-off commissions we would have missed the delight of getting to know a fascinating array of individuals. 

Today the writer Jake Arnott (http://www.jakearnott.com/) came to collect his Plus Fours. He is, we now discover, one of David Bowie's favourites. And on the fly cover of his next about-to-be published novel he is wearing Bedlam's "Signor Zoot" suit! He mentioned his promotional schedule today and I added to it by asking if he might like to do a talk at Kennington's Durning Library, saved from closure by my ma and her brolly-waving mates. We like him even more now now as he didn't hesitate for a second in saying he would love to.

Writer of "The Long Firm" and other corkers, Jake Arnott in his herringbone Plus Fours

Not only our clients but the people who provide our materials and help us to create the clothes are as intriguing as they are indispensable. Having succeeded in sourcing the green kersey for the Thin Red Line jacket, our next challenge was to find a red pinstripe - harder than you might think. A gentleman came up from Southampton to the shop and said he had searched high and low for years, YEARS, but that is in what he wanted a suit created.

The mill ring around duly commenced and in the post arrived swatches of red on brown but what we wanted was red on black. And then tucked on a shelf holding hordes of dusty leather bound samples I found a scrap of the Golden Fleece a.k.a. the red pinstripe. On the end of the phone in Yorkshire, Steve told me I must be part of his good luck as earlier in the day all the electrics in his car had gone on the way t' post office and had he been on't motorway, well, who only knows how that story might have ended. I assured him the luck was all mine in finding him hale and hearty and in possession of what I needed.

He sent down a bigger sample of the cloth and our client came up from Southampton again to confirm that was indeed the stuff of his dreams. I called Steve to say luck was multiplying and that he could cut the length. "It'll have to be Monday now," he replied. "Me and Angela are at Blackpool Tower tonight defending our title at the European Ballroom Dancing Championships!"

You will be as ecstatic as I was to learn, come Monday, that they won. And, what is more, due to their inside positioning on the Ballroom scene, all the tail coats on "Strictly Come Dancing" are made from Steve and Angela's cloth.

Golden Fleeces were then flinging themselves at us after that - we went to visit funny old misanthropic Malcolm ("I drive past your shop every day at 7am and you're never open!") at the hide warehouse to get the leather to trim the red pinstripe and only turned a corner to come face to fleece with Mr Wesley's own elusive medium of lifetime's longing: electric blue sheepskin. There was not a blotch or variation in the dying, just uniform perfection.

Look at his little face, a picture of joy

And then I found mine! Shocking pink Mongolian shearling.

I already have a hat in this and you'd be amazed, no you would, how often people ask "Is that your real hair?"